Phantos workblog
Apr. 24th, 2008 11:30 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jkcarrier(crossposted from Panel & Pixel)
"Phantos: The Revenge of the Samurai" is a short story I'm working on for the next issue of my minicomic, Fantasy Theater.
Phantos is a recurring character, a wandering mystic who travels the universe trying to learn everything there is to know about everything. Inevitably, he runs into trouble.
Here's the first 3 pages of the script. The original draft ran for 11 pages, but once I started to do layouts, I realized it was a bit cramped. Looks like it will end up being 14 pages.
PAGE ONE
PANEL ONE
We're on a college campus, somewhere in the midwest. Two STUDENTS with shovels are digging a hole in the middle of a grassy area between buildings. One of the students is a brawny "jock" named DAVE. The other is a bookworm-ish type named ANGELA. They have uncovered a metal cannister, about the size and shape of a golf bag. On the cannister, the date "March 23, 1908" is engraved into the metal. Behind them, PHANTOS and PROF. SIMPSON (a middle-aged man in a suit and tie) look on.
CAPTION:
THE CAMPUS OF MIDLAND UNIVERSITY
ANGELA:
LOOK, DAVE! PHANTOS WAS RIGHT! THERE'S A TIME CAPSULE BURIED HERE!
DAVE:
HUH. COOL. HOW'D YOU KNOW, DUDE?
PHANTOS:
QUITE SIMPLE, DAVID. I WAS PRESENT WHEN IT WAS BURIED.
TITLE:
PHANTOS IN: "THE REVENGE OF THE SAMURAI!"
CREDITS:
STORY - J. KEVIN CARRIER
ART - YOUR NAME HERE
PANEL TWO
DAVE casually hoists the time capsule over his shoulder. ANGELA scolds him.
DAVE:
WHAT, IN 1908? LIKELY STORY. WHERE DO YOU WANT THIS JUNK, PROF?
ANGELA:
CAREFUL, DAVE! THERE COULD BE ALL KINDS OF VALUABLE ARTIFACTS IN THERE!
PANEL THREE
DAVE, still holding the capsule, is not impressed. ANGELA looks annoyed. PROF. SIMPSON lectures him.
DAVE:
ANGIE, IF IT DON'T INVOLVE FOOTBALL, BEER, OR GIRLS, I AIN'T INTERESTED.
PROF. SIMPSON:
THAT'S A POOR ATTITUDE, DAVID. THE PAST IS THE FOUNDATION OF OUR FUTURE.
PANEL FOUR
As the others debate in the background, PHANTOS looks away, as if distracted.
PHANTOS (thought balloon):
THAT'S ODD... I'M SENSING A STRONG PSYCHIC DISTURBANCE NEARBY...
PAGE TWO
PANEL ONE
Elsewhere on the same campus. We see MEG FUJIYAMA, seated in a motorized wheelchair, heading towards one of the dormitory buildings. MEGAN is an Asian-American student, 19 or 20 years old, and paralyzed from the waist down. She is somewhat overweight, and dressed frumpily in a "Midland University" sweat shirt and sweat pants. She scowls fiercely, radiating contempt and bad attitude. The other students around her react uncomfortably to her presence -- some try to ignore her, others steal glances over their shoulders, others whisper to each other and point at her.
CAPTION (continuing Phantos' thought from the previous page):
"...I WONDER WHAT COULD BE THE CAUSE?"
MEG (thought balloon):
THAT'S RIGHT, YOU PEONS... STARE! STARE AT THE FREAK!
PANEL TWO
MEG rides in an elevator, along with a couple of other students (including a pretty blonde CHEERLEADER). The others look nervous and try to get as far away from MEG as possible in the cramped elevator car, as if afraid to touch her.
MEG (thought balloon):
AM I MAKING YOU NERVOUS, BARBIE-DOLL? DON'T WORRY, BEING A CRIPPLE ISN'T CONTAGIOUS!
PANEL THREE
MEG wheels into her cramped dorm room. There are books, magazines, clothes, and other junk scattered about.
MEG (thought balloon):
I HATE THIS PLACE SO VERY MUCH. AND EVERYONE IN IT. SCREW THEM ALL. I'VE GOT TO GET AWAY.
PANEL FOUR
A close-up of MEG as she closes her eyes and concentrates.
MEG (thought balloon):
LEAVE THIS WORLD... GO TO MY HAPPY PLACE...
PANEL FIVE
The scene changes to a beautiful Japanese garden, full of blossoming cherry trees and other exotic plants. There is a large pagoda nearby and mountains in the distance. In the center of the garden is a large stone fountain. Sitting on a bench by the fountain, we see a sort of idealized version of MEG -- slim, pretty, able-bodied, and dressed in a traditional Japanese kimono. There should be some visual cue to indicate that this scene isn't "real", but rather a sort of illusion that MEG is conjuring for herself on the Astral Plane. Perhaps the panel borders could be "wavy" or some other indication.
MEG (thought balloon):
...MY HAPPY PLACE...
PAGE THREE
PANEL ONE
The idealized MEG looks into the pool of the fountain, admiring her reflection.
MEG (thought balloon):
THAT'S MORE LIKE IT.
VOICE FROM OFF-PANEL:
MARGARET FUJIYAMA.
PANEL TWO
MEG turns to see TOSHIRO FUJIYAMA standing behind her. TOSHIRO is a handsome young Asian man, and like MEGAN he is dressed in traditional Japanese garb. He also has a samurai sword strapped to his belt.
MEG:
(GASP!) WHO ARE YOU? HOW DID YOU...?
TOSHIRO:
I AM LORD TOSHIRO FUJIYAMA. YOUR ANCESTOR, MANY GENERATIONS REMOVED.
PANEL THREE
TOSHIRO sits down next to MEG, placing his hand on hers. He's totally flirting with her.
TOSHIRO:
YOU ARE MORE POWERFUL THAN YOU KNOW, MARGARET. YOUR POWER -- AND YOUR ANGER -- HAVE DRAWN MY SPIRIT TO YOU.
MEG:
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
PANEL FOUR
TOSHIRO cups MEG'S face in his hands.
TOSHIRO:
IN MY TIME, I WAS A POWERFUL WARLORD. BUT LIKE YOU, I WAS UNDERMINED BY PETTY MINDS AND JEALOUS FOOLS. BUT NOW, TOGETHER, WE CAN ACHIEVE WHAT WE BOTH DESIRE.
PANEL FIVE
MEG'S face twists into an angry snarl.
MEG:
REVENGE!
PANEL SIX
TOSHIRO leans in to kiss MEG. Their lips aren't quite touching yet.
TOSHIRO:
THEN JOIN YOUR POWER TO MINE, MARGARET... AND WE SHALL MAKE THEM PAY.
"Phantos: The Revenge of the Samurai" is a short story I'm working on for the next issue of my minicomic, Fantasy Theater.
Phantos is a recurring character, a wandering mystic who travels the universe trying to learn everything there is to know about everything. Inevitably, he runs into trouble.
Here's the first 3 pages of the script. The original draft ran for 11 pages, but once I started to do layouts, I realized it was a bit cramped. Looks like it will end up being 14 pages.
PAGE ONE
PANEL ONE
We're on a college campus, somewhere in the midwest. Two STUDENTS with shovels are digging a hole in the middle of a grassy area between buildings. One of the students is a brawny "jock" named DAVE. The other is a bookworm-ish type named ANGELA. They have uncovered a metal cannister, about the size and shape of a golf bag. On the cannister, the date "March 23, 1908" is engraved into the metal. Behind them, PHANTOS and PROF. SIMPSON (a middle-aged man in a suit and tie) look on.
CAPTION:
THE CAMPUS OF MIDLAND UNIVERSITY
ANGELA:
LOOK, DAVE! PHANTOS WAS RIGHT! THERE'S A TIME CAPSULE BURIED HERE!
DAVE:
HUH. COOL. HOW'D YOU KNOW, DUDE?
PHANTOS:
QUITE SIMPLE, DAVID. I WAS PRESENT WHEN IT WAS BURIED.
TITLE:
PHANTOS IN: "THE REVENGE OF THE SAMURAI!"
CREDITS:
STORY - J. KEVIN CARRIER
ART - YOUR NAME HERE
PANEL TWO
DAVE casually hoists the time capsule over his shoulder. ANGELA scolds him.
DAVE:
WHAT, IN 1908? LIKELY STORY. WHERE DO YOU WANT THIS JUNK, PROF?
ANGELA:
CAREFUL, DAVE! THERE COULD BE ALL KINDS OF VALUABLE ARTIFACTS IN THERE!
PANEL THREE
DAVE, still holding the capsule, is not impressed. ANGELA looks annoyed. PROF. SIMPSON lectures him.
DAVE:
ANGIE, IF IT DON'T INVOLVE FOOTBALL, BEER, OR GIRLS, I AIN'T INTERESTED.
PROF. SIMPSON:
THAT'S A POOR ATTITUDE, DAVID. THE PAST IS THE FOUNDATION OF OUR FUTURE.
PANEL FOUR
As the others debate in the background, PHANTOS looks away, as if distracted.
PHANTOS (thought balloon):
THAT'S ODD... I'M SENSING A STRONG PSYCHIC DISTURBANCE NEARBY...
PAGE TWO
PANEL ONE
Elsewhere on the same campus. We see MEG FUJIYAMA, seated in a motorized wheelchair, heading towards one of the dormitory buildings. MEGAN is an Asian-American student, 19 or 20 years old, and paralyzed from the waist down. She is somewhat overweight, and dressed frumpily in a "Midland University" sweat shirt and sweat pants. She scowls fiercely, radiating contempt and bad attitude. The other students around her react uncomfortably to her presence -- some try to ignore her, others steal glances over their shoulders, others whisper to each other and point at her.
CAPTION (continuing Phantos' thought from the previous page):
"...I WONDER WHAT COULD BE THE CAUSE?"
MEG (thought balloon):
THAT'S RIGHT, YOU PEONS... STARE! STARE AT THE FREAK!
PANEL TWO
MEG rides in an elevator, along with a couple of other students (including a pretty blonde CHEERLEADER). The others look nervous and try to get as far away from MEG as possible in the cramped elevator car, as if afraid to touch her.
MEG (thought balloon):
AM I MAKING YOU NERVOUS, BARBIE-DOLL? DON'T WORRY, BEING A CRIPPLE ISN'T CONTAGIOUS!
PANEL THREE
MEG wheels into her cramped dorm room. There are books, magazines, clothes, and other junk scattered about.
MEG (thought balloon):
I HATE THIS PLACE SO VERY MUCH. AND EVERYONE IN IT. SCREW THEM ALL. I'VE GOT TO GET AWAY.
PANEL FOUR
A close-up of MEG as she closes her eyes and concentrates.
MEG (thought balloon):
LEAVE THIS WORLD... GO TO MY HAPPY PLACE...
PANEL FIVE
The scene changes to a beautiful Japanese garden, full of blossoming cherry trees and other exotic plants. There is a large pagoda nearby and mountains in the distance. In the center of the garden is a large stone fountain. Sitting on a bench by the fountain, we see a sort of idealized version of MEG -- slim, pretty, able-bodied, and dressed in a traditional Japanese kimono. There should be some visual cue to indicate that this scene isn't "real", but rather a sort of illusion that MEG is conjuring for herself on the Astral Plane. Perhaps the panel borders could be "wavy" or some other indication.
MEG (thought balloon):
...MY HAPPY PLACE...
PAGE THREE
PANEL ONE
The idealized MEG looks into the pool of the fountain, admiring her reflection.
MEG (thought balloon):
THAT'S MORE LIKE IT.
VOICE FROM OFF-PANEL:
MARGARET FUJIYAMA.
PANEL TWO
MEG turns to see TOSHIRO FUJIYAMA standing behind her. TOSHIRO is a handsome young Asian man, and like MEGAN he is dressed in traditional Japanese garb. He also has a samurai sword strapped to his belt.
MEG:
(GASP!) WHO ARE YOU? HOW DID YOU...?
TOSHIRO:
I AM LORD TOSHIRO FUJIYAMA. YOUR ANCESTOR, MANY GENERATIONS REMOVED.
PANEL THREE
TOSHIRO sits down next to MEG, placing his hand on hers. He's totally flirting with her.
TOSHIRO:
YOU ARE MORE POWERFUL THAN YOU KNOW, MARGARET. YOUR POWER -- AND YOUR ANGER -- HAVE DRAWN MY SPIRIT TO YOU.
MEG:
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
PANEL FOUR
TOSHIRO cups MEG'S face in his hands.
TOSHIRO:
IN MY TIME, I WAS A POWERFUL WARLORD. BUT LIKE YOU, I WAS UNDERMINED BY PETTY MINDS AND JEALOUS FOOLS. BUT NOW, TOGETHER, WE CAN ACHIEVE WHAT WE BOTH DESIRE.
PANEL FIVE
MEG'S face twists into an angry snarl.
MEG:
REVENGE!
PANEL SIX
TOSHIRO leans in to kiss MEG. Their lips aren't quite touching yet.
TOSHIRO:
THEN JOIN YOUR POWER TO MINE, MARGARET... AND WE SHALL MAKE THEM PAY.
